Be your own friend
Human beings have the unique ability to reflect on and evaluate themselves. It provides an evolutionary advantage, as we, being social creatures, depend on each other and therefore need to adapt. We should be good friends to others—and also to ourselves.
We all experience self-critical thoughts. We can be incredibly good at spotting the flaws in ourselves—we see all the things we cannot do or accomplish. It affects our self-esteem and confidence when we are constantly whipping ourselves. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy and never doing anything good enough, which is very draining. It is not meant to be like that. Would you ever have such a negative and critical focus towards your good friend? No, right?
It is important to be a good friend to yourself for several reasons:
- The way we treat ourselves has a significant impact on our overall well-being and quality of life. When we treat ourselves with kindness, respect, and compassion, we strengthen our self-worth and ability to accept ourselves as we are.
- Being a good friend to oneself also involves listening to and acting on our own needs. It means saying no to things that do not benefit us and saying yes to self-care and activities that bring joy, value, and meaning to our life.
- Kindness to oneself also strengthens our ability to handle challenges and adversity. We find it easier to deal with crises and difficult emotions when we fundamentally treat ourselves well and allow ourselves to feel as we feel.
- It makes us better friends to others when we manage to be our own friend. Empathy, compassion, and respect towards ourselves also affect our relationships with other people.
Being your own good friend is immensely rewarding in many ways. It can be difficult for us to practice—because there are also benefits to being self-critical. It makes us hardworking, dutiful, and efficient. But it is very important to have balance in things, and that we not only see ourselves through critical glasses, but actually see ourselves as whole beings who also need to be well. You may have also noticed that the self-critical voice inside is never satisfied. All that whipping does not bring joy or satisfaction; it is more like an endless loop.
Things you can do to become better friends with yourself:
- Acceptance: Acknowledge yourself as the whole person you are. We all have different backgrounds, stories, and circumstances, but what we all have in common is that we are not perfect. All people make mistakes—and it's actually important to make mistakes in order to learn and develop.
- Prioritize self-care: Make sure to set aside time to take care of yourself → it doesn't have to be anything big, it can be things like taking a walk, listening to your favorite song by yourself, spending time on your hobby, or expressing how you feel.
- Self-reflection: Practice reflecting on yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings. Do it in a non-judgmental way, and remember that consciousness is a great storyteller, so focus on just observing what's happening inside you (you can use the Archaeologist Exercise).
- Set boundaries: Tune into yourself and get acquainted with your gut feeling or intuition. If you sense a boundary, say it out loud and say no. Similarly, if you feel a need, say it out loud and say yes. You are allowed to do that.
Finally, you can ask yourself:
- If you imagine that your thoughts and feelings about yourself were described by your partner/friend/friend—what would you say?
This strategy can be incredibly beneficial to use because we will never be as critical and unreasonable towards our close ones as we are towards ourselves. We typically see our closest ones through understanding, compassionate, loving, and respectful glasses. We should also see ourselves through those glasses—so put them on!
